so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
