Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
