Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
