are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
