Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
