Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
