I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
