So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
