It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
