is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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