I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
