I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
