soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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