Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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