this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The uberlube is also flammable
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
