i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
