i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
