So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
