I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm really busy with my period
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