fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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