You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cut my penus on the lid.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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