Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
