I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
