you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
