I wish I could teleport
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
