my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
