Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
