True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
