So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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