Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
