Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize