everyone is single if you try hard enough
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
