So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize