dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
