Do you still have your period?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
