Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
