it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
