6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
