you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
