Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
