He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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