Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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