Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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