once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
