I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
