drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
