I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What a dumb baby whore.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
