Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found the puke drawer
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
