i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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