Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
