I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
