She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
