Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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