the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
