O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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