He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
