Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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