The maid of honor just puked.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I AM VODKA MAN
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
