My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize