You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
