I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
