I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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