party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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