Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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